My 40 days started 40 years ago when our son came to me and said, “Mom, we need to talk.” I could see he was struggling to find the words - when he spoke, I wasn’t prepared to hear, “Mom, I think I’m gay.”
I was heartbroken and flooded with so many emotions. I found it difficult to know what to say or how to respond; I just wasn’t prepared. That day also marked the start of a 40-year journey for our family, during which we began to understand the true meaning of unconditional love. Even more heartaches and disappointments lay ahead. Despite our faith and reliance on God, there were dark days that felt like. “it will never get better”. Regardless of the challenges and uncertainties, God remained steadfast. He demonstrated consistent faithfulness even in the most difficult moments, reassuring us that we were not alone. I give Him all the glory.
I remember another tough day; we received a call from our son, and after talking for a while, he confided he was addicted to drugs. I hung up the phone, a deep ache settling in my heart. The pain was so intense that it left me feeling physically ill. I began sobbing and called out; “Where is this going to end? I cannot do this anymore,” God gently said, "I know you can't, but I can; remember, it’s not your job to fix this. My grace is enough, and it’s here for you. Trust me with your son”. With guidance from God, we kept communication open with him. Though we did not approve of his choices (believing sin is sin in God’s eyes), we embraced him with unconditional love, just as Jesus has embraced each of us.
The scripture that gives me hope and strength is Isaiah 40:31. I cling to that promise.
Over the years, my prayer became, “Lord, whatever it takes to break him and bring him to his knees before you, I commit his life to you.” That is a scary prayer for a mom, but I meant it with all my heart: “Whatever it takes, Lord,” God assured me one day, our son would come back to Him, but I had no idea what was about to unfold.
To help you understand this story better, one day, we received a phone call from our son. We knew right away that something was wrong. With a shaky voice, he told us he had just broken free from an abusive relationship after suffering a brutal attack and left to die. It isn’t easy to reflect on that day, but it led to a modern-day story of redemption. What one man intended for evil, God used to rescue and redeem our son. After returning to his faith, our son made an insightful observation: when individuals overcome addictions, the church celebrates their transformation; when someone leaves a gay lifestyle, the church seems uncertain about how to celebrate that journey.
It’s a thought-provoking perspective, and I hope for greater understanding and support in those moments.
