Last year, I experienced what felt like my own 40 days in the wilderness. During that time, I faced multiple challenges, leaving me feeling very vulnerable. I did not realize until now just how hard that time was for me. Trying to breathe through the challenges of the addiction process has been a difficult journey. On top of that, my stepdad passed away, and the roller coaster of emotions for my mother and our family was intense. More than anything, in the midst of brokenness and chaos, all I wanted was freedom.
When I was at the end of my rope, I just had to believe God was present. He always goes before us, carving out paths. Even in the darkest moments, we can feel Him near us. I know He speaks to me, and I have learned to listen. He gave me a life verse, Philippians 4:6. It's incredible how that scripture has come back over and over again in my life. Now, as I work through my recovery steps, it comes back again and again.
All of Philippians 4:6 is significant, but I gain the most comfort from “Do not be anxious, but with a prayer of thanksgiving, present your request to God.” That part of the verse is so profound in my life. God used this scripture to take me to a place of thankfulness.
Even with all I've been through, as I look back on the chaos of my childhood, marked by sexual abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, and physical and psychological abuse within my family—I realize that my source of comfort has always been Him. He has been there right beside me the whole time. I thank God for my grandmother, who has been a steadfast prayer warrior in my life. I always felt reassured knowing that if something weighed on my heart, she was fervently lifting me in prayer. I am forever grateful for her unwavering devotion - knowing she was praying hard if something was wrong, and “God came a-knocking.” I thank God for praying, grandmothers.
I genuinely believe our church, Crossroads, is a sanctuary of love where people can find healing and discover that there is a God and He is real. There is honestly no other place that I would rather serve than here alongside others on their journey. To anyone facing their trials, my message is simple: don’t give up. Never underestimate the transformative power of God. Throughout my 40-day wilderness challenges, I’ve learned that it’s not my role to judge. We are here to love and let God be the judge.
It can be scary to open up and share hidden parts of ourselves, but it’s so important. We need to be a church that supports everyone, speaking the truth with boldness and extending grace.
