Life has presented me with challenges, just like everyone else, but through all of it, I’ve learned that when I stop expecting my strength to save me, God shows up in ways I could not have imagined. At the age of six and again at eight, I was sexually abused by individuals my family trusted. Like many children who have gone through similar experiences, I coped by burying those memories.
I have no recollection of large swaths of that time. My mind blocked the memory until the truth hit years later. It’s overwhelming for a child to understand and process such hurt while continuing to see the people responsible. Abuse of any kind brings you to a pivotal point where those memories can break you, or you can choose to let God rebuild your heart. For me, I recognized that “broken people break others.” By forgiving and moving forward, I trusted God to help me break free from that destructive cycle.
Growing up in rural New Mexico near the Navajo Nation provided a childhood filled with unforgettable adventures. However, when I was 12, my parents divorced, and my mother and I moved to Colorado. Leaving my close-knit community was tough, and I felt a bit lost. I was also diagnosed with ADHD around that same time and didn’t realize until later just how much it would affect my life.
I failed my first three years of high school, buried under a fog of distraction, and “sleepwalked” through that time. That is, until my senior year, God placed a teacher in my life who refused to allow me to sleepwalk any longer. She told me I had something to offer and made me work harder than anyone else for every accomplishment. That teacher played a pivotal role in my life.
College was filled with moments of immense struggles searching for purpose, but it was also surrounded by self and spiritual discovery.
I graduated from a Christian college (GCU) where an amazing friend helped me trust that God was for me. I experienced a renewal of my faith and deep love for scripture. As can often be the case, after graduation and in my thirties, I hit a wall when I was struggling, “am I reading this right, I don’t know if this is the God I fell in love with. This does not sound like a loving Father. What’s happening here?” I had a massive crisis of faith that almost shut me down until God made it clear deep in my spirit that I’m not going to understand everything, there’s inner workings and humanity smack in the middle of this history, it is okay to question, it is okay to wrestle because He can handle it, and I am His. I had to trust that He was the God that I fell in love with.
Crossroads is blessed with leaders who reflect Jesus well. When Brett and Tara came to Crossroads, I started seeing reflections of what God had been revealing to me all along. I have been praying God would soften some of the hardening I’ve experienced, and I believe our pastoral staff has been God’s grace given to me once again.
The apostle Paul spoke of the thorn in his side, illustrating how some challenges never disappear. When our wilderness journey is for the long haul, we have a choice: allow “our thorn” to draw us closer to God or let it drive a wedge between us. We all have thorns; what is important is how we use them to help others.
